Samhain has always been one of my favorite holidays, so for me it’s always a week long event. I spend time carving pumpkins, baking fall desserts, and remembering my ancestors. It now also happens to coincide with the anniversary of my protogrove’s very first ritual, which makes it even more special for me. This week I went back to the ancestor meditation that I had done in September. It allowed me to connect to my ancestors once again, but it seemed to be much deeper and more meaningful. I was able to visualize my great-grandparents and the gifts I had received from them. I was able to visualize my recently passed mentor and hear his words of inspiration and love. It seemed remarkably appropriate for this week, and made the Samhain ritual for our protogrove feel even more deeply connected for me. The invocation we used was inspired by many different ADF ancestor rituals, and seemed to encompass all those people who we had lost in a way that worked for all the people participating. It was a great experience.
Ancestors of Blood, we call to you! You gave us our flesh and bone so that we might walk in this world. You adopted, fostered and nurtured us when our blood could not. You who first taught us right from wrong. You who told us the stories of your past and of ours and gave us the traditions we still hold dear in our own homes. Ancestors of Our Land, we call to you! You stood on this Land where we live before all others. You lived simply, taking from the land only what you needed. You who were one with nature. You who loved and respected the Land and all Her inhabitants. You from whom we learn to go back to natural ways for healing. Ancestors of Spirit, we call to you! You worshiped our gods before us. You walked the lands that gave them birth. You kept the old ways alive despite the encroaching darkness. Your ways inspire our ways. Your history and sagas teach us right action. Your artwork and poetry speak to our souls. We hear your voices in the words of our songs. Welcome all of our Ancestors! Greek Alphabet Oracle -- Omicron -- What goes around comes around Gamma -- Successful harvest Mu -- Hard work leads to good return
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This week was the scrying of EHNB from the Table of Union. EHNB is the "Angel of Spirit" so to speak. The visions I got were amazingly beautiful. I was in a cathedral or a temple. There was seating lined up down both sides of the dark wooded isle, but they were not your normal "pews". They were similar I guess, but seemed to be more comfortable and welcoming with soft burgundy cushions. The ceilings were amazingly high vaulted with a glass top that opened up to the dark sky full of stars and the moon.The walls on either side of me each had 6 enormous stained glass windows on them depicting the Olympian gods in one story or another. They were the most beautiful images I think I have ever seen. In the front of the building was an altar set up similar to what I imagine an actual "formal" Druid ritual would look like, and on the back wall behind it (where the cross would go in a church) was a tree that was constantly moving and growing, but it seemed to be a part of the wall, so much so that I couldn't tell where the wall ended and the tree began. The tree looked like a work of art that was growing, breathing, and moving. Needless to say, I spent a lot of my time just looking around trying to take in all the details that were there. When EHNB showed up I could his presence immediately in a way so much different than the others have been thus far. For the others it was almost like a wave of emotion, or a cool breeze. Something calming and loving. This, however, was an intense pressure. Not painful or necessarily unpleasant, but definitely very strong, steady, and constant. I could feel it mostly in my head, like someone had pressed their palm into my forehead and was trying to hold me down. EHNB didn't really have a form. There were no defining features whatsoever, however I knew that he was masculine anyway. Once we began speaking there was absolutely no doubt who I was speaking with. His voice was the most interesting and intimidating thing I have ever heard. The easiest way to explain it is that if Gregorian monks could talk the way they chant/sing then this would be their voice. Our conversation was brief and to the point, and I kept getting distracted by the amazing temple that I was present in. He told me that emotionally/personally I am working on what I need to be working on, and to continue doing what I was doing. Spiritually he thinks I am headed down the right path and that I will "learn what I need to learn, experience what I need to experience, and end up exactly where I am supposed to end up".
I’ve continued to do my Sun Devotionals and really do appreciate having this small practice as the weather starts to cool. It helps me remember that as dark and cold as the world can be, the warming light of the sun will return. It also helps me make a small connection to the Kindreds, and makes them feel more present in my life. This week I also experienced a different kind of meditation. I had the opportunity to spend several hours on the back of a motorcycle, riding through the country among forests and fields, around lakes and across rivers. It allowed me to watch the world from a very different perspective than I typically do. I could smell the plants as we rode past corn fields and into the woods. I could feel the wind on my skin and was warmed by the sun. It was incredible to feel the connection on so many different senses. It was like I could feel the lively energy from the natural world encompassing me, and embracing me. While it seems strange, it was a very beautiful experience for me.
I also decided to once again perform my ritual in the middle of the night to honor the goddesses of my hearth. However, now that it feels more planned and less sporadic it doesn’t seem to have the same feel for me. I don’t understand why I have such a hard time structuring my personal practice, but spontaneous rituals definitely feel less successful in my heart. Eventually I hope to get past that, but for now, I will go back to using my Sun Devotional as my daily practice and see what happens next. Greek Alphabet Oracle -- Eta -- Helios watches you Xi -- Don’t polish a turd Phi -- Take responsibility for your actions Several times this week, I found myself either unable to sleep, or woken in the middle of the night for no apparent reason. Each time I was drawn to my altar, where I would stand in the darkness and light candles. I would then sit in a comfortable position and meditate on my life, my path, and what I expected for the future. After I felt comforted, I would say a prayer to the goddesses of my hearth, asking for their guidance and aid. I would then take my offerings outside and stand barefoot in the darkness, listening to the world around me before making my offering. The wind was cool, but the world was alive around me. It was a very interesting experience.
Goddesses of my hearth, Goddesses of my heart, I look to you for inspiration, as both leaders and role models. Demeter, you who love your child unconditionally, and show me the gifts of motherhood Athena, you who helped so many heroes, and show me how to help those in need. Hecate, goddess of the crossroads, you help me to find the right path when I feel lost. Aphrodite, you who love wholeheartedly and show me how to love in turn. Artemis, goddess of the hunt, you show me strength and independence. I thank you all for your gifts and for your guidance. Greek Alphabet Oracle -- Alpha -- Success Gamma -- Successful harvest Xi -- No good can come from an angry woman This week we jumped back into the temple and summoned EXARP, the essence of air, to join us. He is probably the hardest to explain. We started the same as always, with a small ritual leading up to the focused chanting. EXARP appeared as a humanoid figure composed of air...he seemed to fade and move and reappear at random. He was both there and not. It's impossible to explain with any accuracy. I asked him how he smelled (like a small scent of something riding on the wind), felt (a gentle breeze which increased to a hard, almost painful wind), and how he sounded (this once again started as a gentle breeze, but increased to the noise of a tornado, and then changed into the sound of an auditorium full of people all talking at once). I was incredibly confused by the voices of all the people, and told him that. He explained to me "Without air no one would have a voice. Because of that, I am all voices." I then asked him what was expected of me. He told me "You already know what you need to do. The other's have said it. You're a smart girl. You don't need to hear it over and over." That was about the end of it. He left as quickly as he originally appeared. The connection felt insanely quick and fleeting, scattered and random, but direct and to the point
This week we decided to visit with HCOMA, the essence of water from the Tablet of Union. This is the element which I am the most comfortable with, so I was very interested to see the results. I did the consecration of the space, which always feels slightly awkward, but it takes practice. Once again, I knelt in my corner, eyes focused on the darkness of the mirror, and listened to Seth chant while the visions began to come. The scene started on a rocky edge near the ocean. The water was crashing against the rocks spraying me with mist when she appeared. The first thing she noticed is that I was wearing my slippers. Yeah, I know, not proper ritual attire, but it was cold and I refused to get barefoot. Anyway, she was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She had a dark blond/light brown hair and was wearing a flowing blue gown that seemed like it was a part of the water. Her eyes though were the thing that I noticed the most. They were absolutely amazing. They started out as a deep ocean blue...then it was as if a storm rolled in and they changed to a misty gray....then the storm went away and they were the deep green of a swampy pond. It was insane. The scenery behind her was also changing constantly. We would be standing in the forest in the rain...then we would be sitting in the lake....then jumping in puddles as a little kid. I asked her the typical questions. How do you sound (running river, splashing ocean, thunderstorms), how do you smell (ocean breeze, fresh rain, the smell of my grandma's humidifier when I was a kid), how do you feel (a splash of water to the face followed by a wave of emotion). When I asked her what she needed/wanted from me, she told me that she wanted to help me cleanse myself of my anger and to be able to feel refreshed and clear.
So this explanation seems rushed, but my brain is still running with thoughts. I am grateful that I was able to experience this again. Hopefully it continues to go this smoothly. My Sun Devotional is going much better this week. I find that it comes to my head when I start to feel stressed, and helps me to invoke the warmth of the sun when I most need it. It’s a blessing to finally feel like I’m doing things “correctly” even though I understand that isn’t the purpose of the discipline. My first monthly retreat day was also done this week, and it was not quite what I expected. I woke up earlier than usual in order to have time to do my devotional at my altar. I stood, still trying to shake the sleep from my eyes, and expressed just how important it was for me to continue along the path toward becoming clergy with words that I can’t seem to remember. I don’t typically eat breakfast, but I made sure to say a simple prayer at lunchtime to the Earth Mother to thank her for my food and for helping me become who I am.
This week we summoned BITOM, the fire elemental from the Tablet of Union. I was hesitant to do so for a couple reasons. First, I honestly don't think I am over my first experience with NANTA and second, fire scares me. It is an element that I'm not super comfortable and goes completely against my water nature. But nonetheless, I found myself once again at Seth’s side. The ritual itself went just like the last one. However, the encounter was different in so many more ways than I can explain. NANTA was completely void of vision for me. BITOM was anything but. The colors were almost neon and sometimes appeared so bright that it was blinding. I had to avert my eyes. NANTA was very welcoming and loving, where as BITOM seemed passionate and short-tempered. Also, NANTA seemed to "appear" as her own entity, whereas BITOM seemed to reach into my brain and steal images to project himself. I'll start at the beginning. As I was fading into my vision I could feel the back of my neck and head begin to grow warm and then it almost felt like it was burning, but not quite painful. Eventually it faded to a dull ache. I closed my eyes to try to clear my thoughts and once I re-opened them, I was sitting in a place very familiar to me looking at a face that was too familiar. I was standing on the edge of the trees at the lake where I grew up staring at the face of a friend that died several years ago. Seeing his face alive and well shocked me so much that I wanted to run away, or scream, or burst into tears, .but I didn't know which so I just stood there for a little while staring with tears running down my face. After the initial shock wore off, I began the "normal" questions. What do you look like (the flickering of flames, the rising of the sun, a candle burning, etc...lots and lots of images)? What do you smell like (at first it smelled like a dark black smoke, but then it faded into a great wood burning smell like my grandparent's fireplace when I was a kid)? What do you feel like (he reached out to touch me, so I reached out my hand and he scalded my finger. It STILL hurts but I don't know if it is all in my head)? And finally I asked him "What do you sound like?" For me, this response was even more shocking than his appearance as my friend. He stated "I can sound like this" and I heard the gentle crackling of a camp fire, "or like this" and I got visions of a house burning down. I could hear the roaring fire and see the flashing lights as people tried desperately to save the home that was once mine. I could hear the creaking of the wood and the roaring of the flames more than anything. I tried to look away, but it was as if I was frozen. Finally, the house collapsed into the basement beneath it and the vision faded away. However, instead of being at a gentle campfire, we were sitting at the top of a volcano with lava pouring down all around us, burning down forests and houses without discrimination. My heart was broken and I felt as if I had been torn to shreds by all the painful things I had seen, but I was determined to finish what I had started, so I asked him what it was that he believed I needed to work on. He told me several beautifully poetic things, but the one thing I remember most is this "Fire is destructive and painful for you, but you can learn a few lessons from me. You have passion, and for that I welcome you into my heart. However, confidence and determination are the two things I see lacking. When a fire begins, it is usually small and inconspicuous. It is only through hard work and perseverance that the fire can grow and spread. It can eventually get to the point that only physical interference can stop the will of fire, and even then it is not easy. You're stubborn, I can see that, but you have little faith in yourself, so it makes it much harder for us to have faith in you. You're here. That in and of itself should say alot." I am sure that isn't word for word, but that is the gist of what I can remember.
Enochian Tablet -- Chanting/Visual Concentration
Ok, first and foremost I have to explain that I am in no way a great magician. I have no deep knowledge or understanding of the inner working of angels/demons or anything along those lines. I have never practiced any form of Enochian magic until today. My partner has been doing elemental summoning from the Tablet of Union for a while now, and has often expressed a desire to have me do this workings with him because of past experiences we have had doing other things. After a lot of discussion, and some serious thoughts I decided to give in and give it a try. I mean, what was the worst that could happen?? |
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