My daily Sun devotional is something that I’m still trying to do, although doing so successfully has been a bit of a challenge. I’m thankful for the connection to the Kindreds though, so I will continue to do it, during both rough times and good. It’s like a weird marriage I suppose, through sickness and health, better or worse? However, this week I had a dream that I was sitting at the top of a hill in some tall grass, surrounded by wild flowers and dandelions. As I sat there in the sunshine, I began reciting my daily devotional. I found it very interesting to find my practices showing up in my subconscious mind. Maybe it’s a sign that things will improve from here again?
Greek Alphabet Oracle -- Alpha -- You will have good luck in all your activities Xi -- You can’t get blood from a turnip Iota -- There will always be hard work
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Last night my husband and I summoned RAAGIOS, the king of the water tablet. We did our "typical" summoning, and from there this was my vision:
SCENE DESCRIPTION: I found myself seated on a bench (that appeared to be made of water) at the foot of a throne. The throne was huge and flowing, and also appeared to be created directly out of the water. Looking around I found myself in what I would consider a throne room. The ceiling was a flowing, soothing blue liquid that reminded me of looking up at the sky through the water while scuba diving. All around the room there were pillars, but they appeared to be made from small waterfalls that cascaded from the ceiling instead of any brick/mortar construction. RAAGIOS was seated on the throne directly in front of me and initially appeared as Poseidon. CONVERSATION: I was incredibly confused by this and asked him if he were Poseidon. He told me he was not but he believed that it would comfort me to see him in that form. I told him that it confused me more than it helped to comfort me, so he morphed into a more "true" form of himself which was very much a water elemental with a crown and cape, which were both formed from him directly from water. Everything he touched or used appeared to be made from the water around him and it was fascinating to watch. After changing himself I began my "normal" discussion with him. I asked him "How do you manifest in my life?" but before I could even finish the question he jumped in and said "Let's not focus on the trivialities. We have been expecting you. We did expect you sooner but you are here so I will not complain. We have much to discuss." I tried to apologize but he said "We are not offended. it is your choice to take the assistance we offer. We can not force you if you do not want it when we offer it. " I told him that I did want their guidance and he said "We understand the nature of humanity as well as their tendencies. We hope to be able to hold you to a higher standard." We then briefly discussed my current projects including the ADF Clergy Program and my protogrove. He said that they were good projects to be undertaking and that they were heading in the right direction, but all needed more effort on my part. He then brought out what appeared to be a scroll made of water. He told me my layout of the universe was acceptable even though he felt it was missing a few things that I would have to come across in my own time because they would be things that were hard for me to understand. He told me to think of my chart of the universe on a more localized scale, like in terms of the human psyche instead of the grand scale of the universe. I'm definitely beginning to understand things a bit better because of these experiences, but it's still a lot to think about. I almost wish I could have done this vision vocally so someone could have recorded it or transcribed it or something because I feel like I am missing or forgetting something. Ever since I was a kid I have used bath time as a time to meditate and explore my thoughts. To do this, I lay down to where my ears are below the water so all sounds are muffled and the only thing that really stands out are the sounds of the water. My brain was really scattered last week because of some random chaos at work, so I decided to take a bath and relax. Once I was in the bathtub I decided to do a brief meditation to help calm me down a little bit and let me focus. I lowered myself into the water, closed my eyes, and let my thoughts drift away listening to the sounds of the water and my breath. As I was zoning I found myself standing on the cliff from where I met HCOMA, but instead of her there was a man standing on the ledge next to me. He had dark hair that was slicked back against his head like he had just crawled out of the water. I asked him who he was and he responded "I am the father of Orion. I have been known by many names, but you may know me as Poseidon." I was incredibly confused for several reasons. First, WHY was Poseidon showing up in my Enochian plane. Second, I have been a follower of the Hellenic Pantheon but I have NEVER had any connections with Poseidon. While I was reeling in the moment, I decided to ask him why he decided to present himself to me now and not in the past. He responded "Athena prefers that I don't lead her followers astray. Needless to say, she doesn't trust me with them." I understood that message quite clearly, but was still confused as to why he was "disobeying" that request at this point. Just as I was getting ready to ask him HCOMA manifested out of the surrounding water and walked toward the cliff with us. Now I was even more confused....Enochian and Greek gods in the same place at the same time!!! However, in the middle of the trance work, I heard the bathroom door open. I tried to ignore it, I could feel my husband staring down at me in the bathtub wondering if I was trying to drown myself or if I had fallen asleep but I was trying desperately to ignore it so I could finish my conversation, but to no avail.
I’ve also been doing my Sun devotional, but doing it in the cooling weather as the world grows darker is difficult. However, part of me also knows that it is in the weakest, darkest moments that I need to try the hardest to invoke the energies of the sun back into myself and to be thankful for the connection to the Kindreds even if the Sun itself is harder to find. Greek Alphabet Oracle -- Rho -- Parting from companions Zeta -- Sometimes flight is wiser than fight Upsilon -- If you will hold your ground for only a short time, you will be able to proceed This week I tried to continue with my Sun Devotional, but it was more challenging than it has been in a while. I think it was so difficult because we had cold, cloudy weather so it made doing a devotional to the sun that I could not see very challenging. By mid-week I had decided to spend a few days with my Patron goddess, Athena. I would approach my altar, light some incense in offering to her, and say a brief prayer to her. Each prayer was slightly different, but they all had a message similar to the one below. Athena has been a presence in my life for longer than seems possible, so it’s important to me to keep my connection to her though this journey, while also allowing myself to explore my spirituality on many different levels. This prayer was my way of sharing that message with her.
Gracious Athena Guide me in your wisdom as I approach this new path. Grant me the strategy to be successful and the knowledge to know my limits. Glorious Athena You who have guided me for so many years Help me to explore my spirituality while also remembering my roots. Amazing Athena, Allow me to learn from your lessons so that I can become the person I am meant to be. Allow me to explore the depths of my spirituality and the spirituality of those around me. Help me to stay connected to my path, and to have the wisdom to know when I am lost. Wondrous Athena, Thank you for your continual presence in my life. Thank you for your guidance and your understanding. Thank you for helping me to become the woman I am today. May my actions and devotions make you proud. Greek Alphabet Oracle -- Tau -- Parting from companions Mu -- Work is needed, but change is good Beta -- With fortune, Apollo will help you. This week we summoned AONT...or tried would probably be a better way to put it. My visions were probably the weakest and most forced I have ever encountered. All I got was the impression of rain, and perhaps a face in the rain as well as one muttered phrase "Write. It will make it clear and help you solve." Then it was gone. No beautiful imagery, no interesting conversation...nothing! I'm disappointed to say the least. There is only one thing that was done differently tonight than what we have done in the past. During the calls, Antares usually kneels next to me to read them. Tonight, while knelt next to me he rested his hand on my thigh. From the moment that he started the first call I could feel the energy flowing from him into me. At first I was incredibly confused. The longer he went, the more intense the feeling got. My entire body began to tingle. I was light headed and eventually my hands were vibrating so strongly that they went completely numb. My mind was racing and my entire body seemed to be almost electrified. That and an over-abundance of incense are what I am contributing to this mediocre experience. I'm going to blame it on not being able to focus. Who knows what will happen next time. I'm very curious now though to experiment a bit with the energies of the calls.
This week was time for my monthly retreat once again. I woke up once again before the sun to do a devotional at my altar. I stood in the dark, candle-lit room while my family slept only rooms away, and expressed just how important it was for me to continue along the path toward becoming clergy. I really enjoyed the message and simplicity of my mealtime prayer to the Earth Mother from last month, so I decided to continue using it for these days. It feels foreign for me to have a prayer time before meals, but I do appreciate expressing my gratitude at the same time, so it’s a strange clashing of emotions within me.
I once again had to work on my retreat day, but was blessed with a “slow” work day, so I spent a lot of time focusing on my Ritual Mechanics course so it is ready to submit. It gave me the opportunity to be reminded of how others do their rituals, and to consider how I do things myself, and why I do them. I spent the day listening to music that helps me feel lifted, and had an hourly timer that reminded me to acknowledge my small altar space. Each time I would look at my altar and think “Fire, well, and sacred tree, flame and flow and grow in me.” It was a very simple devotional that took only a few minutes of my time, but helped to keep my goal in mind throughout the day. With supper, I once again said a prayer to the Earth Mother, thanking her for her support and sustenance. In the evening I did a solo rite to the Earth Mother and the Gatekeeper. I once again used the ritual found in Appendix 1 in the First Circle Guide for the Clergy Training Program as it was written. The ritual went pretty well, and the omens for the this month seem much more positive than they were a month ago. They seem to indicate that working hard will help keep things positive, and I should continue to stay on the path I am on. It’s been interesting to try to incorporate my retreat days into my daily life, but I think they are going well thus far. I know some people would do their retreat days on a weekend so they don’t have to work, but it’s important to me to be able to keep my spirituality in mind during every part of my life, even sitting at my desk in the middle of the day. Greek Alphabet Oracle -- Mu -- Hard work will result in a good return. Epsilon -- Desire the offspring of righteous marriages. Sigma -- Stay, friend This week we decided to explore the 30th Aethyr. I ended up in the temple once again staring into that black mirror. I sat there chanting the names of the 4 governors of the realm and began to feel the darkness around me change. I could hear footsteps in the distance and far off in the darkness I could see a figure approaching. His face is almost indescribably frightening, almost like an anime villain with huge black eyes and an evil smirk. He was humanoid at least, but all his colors seemed very faded. As he approached I started seeing visions that terrified me, the worst being a vision of my infant son laying on the floor next to his crib crying and then taking his last breath. At that point I almost stood up and left the ritual. I was convinced something was terribly wrong with my son. Was any vision I was going to receive worth risking the fact that this may be a premonition? I wasn't sure what to do and the man kept drawing closer and closer. I began asking him his name and listing the names of the governors but he just continued to smirk and slither closer to me. As he got right next to me, directly in my face, I could feel his breath on my skin. I could feel it's heat and it smelled like rotten garbage. I asked him the last governor's name and he smiled and said "you only wish". I was so terrified that I thought I was going to die. I knelt down into the fetal position and began reciting the names of the governors over and over again. As soon as I started this my feeling of dread for my child's life lifted. I did this for what felt like an eternity before I felt brave enough to lift my hands from my face and look around. Standing in the place of the dark man was a hooded figure with a long white beard. In his hand he held what appeared to be a lantern, but from the top of it was an open flame. I asked him the first 2 governor's names and he just smiled at me. I was beginning to get nervous that I wasn't going to remember the right name but as I said the third name he responded "As you wish" and turned and walked away.
As the man turned and walked away, he began lighting sconces on the walls down the dark hallway and I followed. He was leading me down several darkened corridors that lead to unknown parts of what was obviously a castle or something of that sort. It was a building of large gray brick. Hallways twisted and turned off in the other direction and my guide seemed to know exactly where he was taking us. He made a sharp turn to our left which was almost a complete 180 and I lost sight of him briefly. I jogged a little bit to catch up and found a huge spiral staircase. I just barely caught a glimpse of his robe as he turned the corner and so I ran up the rest of the stairs because I was terrified of what may be waiting for me in the darkness behind. I tried to stay focused in front of me so that I didn't lose site of my guide, but also because the lights seemed to go out as soon as I walked past them so I couldn't see behind me anyway, so there was no reason to look back too often. As I reached the top of the spiral staircase I saw the man reach up his lantern to a place high up on the wall far above where I could reach. From there I saw a pit of light ignite and rush down the walls parallel to each other and meeting at the far end of an enormous room. There a fireplace caught on fire. The fireplace was in the form of an open dragon's mouth. There were teeth both above and below the flame, and the face of the dragon sort of faded into the darkness leaving the actual appearance up to my imagination. After admiring the very impressive fire show that I had just witnessed I began to take notice of where I was. I was in what appeared to be an enormous library (think beauty and the beast, only not nearly as brightly lit). The room was 2 stories at least that I could see. The first story was books from the floor all the way up to the line of fire. Above the line of fire was a fenced balcony and the second floor was books all the way from the floor of that balcony as high as I could see into the darkness. The room was still not very brightly lit so I could not read any of the titles of the books. I could only tell that they were very old and counted in the thousands at least. I was speechless for a long while before I was able to think of something productive to say. I asked him "What is all this?" He responded "This is yours. This is the wisdom held within you. It is yours to grasp and obtain at whatever rate you are able to. We can help you, but you will have to do most of the work for yourself." I then asked him "What do I need to do to obtain all this wisdom then?" His response wasn't what I was expecting at all...he simply said "First, you need to organize it all." As he said that, every book in the room fell to the floor into a mountain of paper and binding. I didn't know where to start or what to do. I wasn't sure of each book had a specific "category" or if they simply needed alphabetized. I voiced these concerns and he responded "That is for you to figure out." He turned and seemed like he was going to walk out of the room, so I grabbed the first book and he told me "Oh, and don't forget to clean out the cage over there". "Cage? What cage??" I didn't like the way that sounded at all. I wasn't up for fighting any beasts, and really didn't want to mess with any critters in the dark at all. I headed in the direction he had pointed and found a dark box the size of an orange crate. My first thought was of Pandora's box, and that instilled fear within me. I didn't want to mess with it at all, but I knew that at the very least I had to look inside. I opened the box and inside was a dark black scorpion the size of a chihuahua. I took it out of the box and held it in my hands. I asked the governor what I was supposed to do with it. He handed me a small sharp silver dagger. With only a look I knew what was expected. He told me "This is yours to do with what you will. However, to continue on and obtain our knowledge you will need to conquer this...but do so in your own time." He walked to the corner of the room and stood there watching me, waiting to see what I was going to do. I held the scorpion in my arms and cuddled it to my chest. I could feel it's life flowing through it and into me. I could see the poison on it's spiked tail glistening in the fire light. I could almost hear its thoughts as I held it to my heart. Finally, I took one deep breath and plunged the dagger deep into the life source of the creature. I felt the life drain out of it quickly and it did not even try to defend itself. It was almost as if it knew it's life was at an end. Even though it seemed nothing I felt as though a part of me had died. My insides were on fire and I could barely breath. I felt like I needed to curl up in a ball and cry, or just lay down and die, but I knew that I couldn't. The body quickly turned into a powder in my hands and then erupted into a ball of flame which lit the room brighter than ever. The light flew to the ceiling and illuminated the room so I could finally see clearly. The books were clean and stacked neatly in piles all around the room but the thing that caught my eye most of all was above the fire place. There hung a full portrait of Athena in full armor looking fierce, and proud. I was admiring the work of art when she turned and looked at me. She said "We are incredibly proud of you." I was a little blown away by the fact that the art was talking to me. You would think after all that had happened I would be beyond the point of being surprised by anything, but here it was again. She continued to look down upon me from high above and spoke with me at great length. She told me that she would help me to obtain all the wisdom in the room, and far beyond what any room could obtain, but that I would have to be strong, wise, and stay by her side. She gave me some comforting words, telling me once again that she was proud of the woman I was becoming, and that she will help me rise to a place that isn't even visible from where I am now. The one thing she told me though that stuck with me the most is this: "Together, you and I are as one. Your pain is my pain, as is your love. Your wisdom, your heart, your family are all just as much mine. I will love your loved ones with the more ferocity than anyone can imagine, and any who chooses to be your enemy shall have to face the wrath of Athena." I was honored and felt so special and important After that my vision faded away. I realized I was back in the temple with Seth at my side. It was a long journey that left my heart hurting and my head pounding, but I survived. I guess I am no longer the scorpion, but Athena is still by my side despite it all. Who knows what the future will hold? |
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